1、英语小笑话：Two Pieces of Cake 两块蛋糕本文是爱岗的小编帮助大家分享的8篇浅显易懂的英语小笑话，希望对大家有所启发。
Someone asked a woman, "I see that you wear a locket on your neck. It must be a very dearmemento from some loved one." The woman said, "Yes, it is a lock of my husband's hair." So the friend said, "Wow! You are so sentimental! But your husband is still alive. Is it necessary?" And the woman said, "Yes! I know, but his hair is all gone."
有人问一位女士：“我看你的脖子上戴着一条心锁项链，这里面一定有你所爱的人的珍贵纪念物。”那位女士回答说：“是啊，里面珍藏着我先生的头发。”朋友接着说：“哇！多么浓情蜜意啊！但你的丈夫还活着，有这个必要吗？”那位女士说：“是啊！我知道，但是他的头发已经全部掉光了！”
Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?
Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.
Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.
Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.
老师：你愿意要半个柑橘，还是十分之五个柑橘？
杰拉得：我宁可要半个。
老师：仔细想想，说出理由来。
杰拉得：因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就损失太多了。
在超市里
the man approached a very beautiful woman in a supermatrket and asked, "you know, l've lost my wife hare in the supermarket.can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
在一个超市里，一个男子走向一位非常漂亮的小姐，对她说：”我和我的妻子走散了，你能和我聊一会儿吗？“
"why ?¨she asks.
“为什么呢？”这个小姐问。
"because every time i talk to a beautiful woman.my wife appears out of nowhare."
“因为每当我与漂亮小姐聊天时，我的妻子就会不知从什么地方出来。”
A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden.
"I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine.
"No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one."
The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?"
"Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two cents."
"OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."
财政学的一课
Smith was the manager of a construction'，event)">construction company and was taking bids on a new project. The first bidder was a Polish company, and their representative offered to do the job for $ 400,000.
"That seems reasonable," said Smith. "Can you give me a breakdown on that?"
史密斯是一家建设公司的经理，他正负责一个新工程的招标案。第一位投标的是一家波兰公司，他们的代表出价四十万元接那个案子。“似乎很合理，”史密斯说。“你可不可以给我一张明细表呢？”
"Sure," said the Pole, " $200, 000 for labor and $ 200,000 for materials. "
“当然没问题，”波兰公司代表说道，“廿万元工资，廿万元材科费。”
Next to make a bid was the Standard American Construction'，event)">Construction Company, which bid $ 800,000.
下一个出标的是美国标准建设公司，他们以八十万元竞标。
"Hmm, that seems a bit high," said Smith. "What's the breakdown?"
“嗯，这个价钱似乎有些偏高，”史密斯说道。“你们有明细表吗？’
" $ 400,000 0n materials, $ 400,000 0n labor. "
“四十万元材料，四十万元工资。”
"I'll get back to you. "
“我以后再同你联系。”
Finally the representative of Cohen, Goldstein and Leibowitz entered Smith's office.
最后可翰·高斯坦·雷伯威兹公司的代表走进史密斯办公室。“一百廿万元是我们竞标的价码，”代表说道。
" $ 1,200,000 is our bid," said the agent."$11 200, 0001 That' s way out of line," exclaimed Smith. "Can you give me a brea kdown on that?"
“一百廿万元这个标高得太过分了，”史密斯叫道：“你可以给我一张明细表吗？"
"No problem," replied the rep. " $400, 000 for me,$ 400 ， 000 for you and $ 400 。 000 for the Polacks.
“没有问题，”代表回答道。“四十万元给我，四十万元给你，最后四十万元则给那家波兰佬开的公司。”
An absent-minded person was standing in the middle of a busy intersection where a policeman was directing traffic, and he kept bugging the policeman because he was confused.
"Excuse me, Officer! Can you tell me how to get to the hospital?"
The officer was very busy and said, "Just stand here and you'll get there!"
有个很健忘的人站在车水马龙的十字路口正中央，那里有个警察正忙着指挥交通，而他不断地去干扰这位值勤的警员，因为他搞不清楚方向。
他问道：“请问一下，警察先生，可以告诉我医院要怎么走吗？”
这个忙不过来的警察对他说：“就站在这里，你就会到医院了！”
It's not my fault 不是我的错
It's not my fault
Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.
Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.
不是我的错
妈妈(正教训她的女儿)：你不该拽猫的尾巴。
女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。
黑人英语
The black couple already had eight children, and Lula May was pregnant with her ninth. Finally she convinced her husband to get a vasectomy.
一对黑人夫妇已有八个小孩，而鲁拉·梅又怀了第九个小孩，最后她说服了她先生去做男性绝育手术。
On the morning of the operation, she was surprised to see her husband putting on a tuxedo and getting into a limousine for the short ride to the hospital.
手术的早晨，她惊讶地看见她老公穿着礼服，乘坐一辆礼车到不远的医院去。
"Say, honey, what's all this about?" asked Lula May.
"亲爱的，这是怎么一回事啊？鲁拉·梅问道。"
"Baby, if you gonna be important, you gotta look important.
"宝贝，如果你想当名大人物的话，就要让人一看就知道你很重要！"